I was retiring from a 20-year teaching stint at Iona College and felt there was still some kick in the old boy yet. I wanted my retirement years to count. And I was immediately struck by the beauty of these Courage people. They were ruthlessly honest about themselves. Their humility and openness were exemplary. Their friendliness was extraordinary. And their love of Jesus the Christ and the Blessed Lady was like a bolt of clarifying lightning. The grace of God was almost palpable as I saw them grow and develop into authentic human beings. To see them accept and carry their cross was an inspiration. But the deep peace they now owned signaled a priceless arrival at a “good place”. What a privilege for me coming from the calculated and fantasy world of academe.

And to be associated with two of the most holy, loving and human priests I ever knew, Father John Harvey, OSFS and Father Benedict Groeschel, CFR, was a gift I never anticipated. Both I consider uncanonized saints. Both brilliant. Both highly talented – even with a sharp sense of humor. Both with profound insights into the world of the spirit. And both able to help so many from the pit of addiction.

I thought every Catholic would be as enthusiastic as I with the help offered through this Catholic program. Courage was publicly praised by Pope St. John Paul II and Cardinal Trujillo. But I met unexpected resistance from otherwise impeccable sources. I was stunned to learn that even some priests and an occasional Bishop would criticize and denounce Courage.

I had been running several groups of another nature in my rectory and simply added the little beginning group of eight Courage members without explaining the nature of the new arrival. No one noticed. The reason for my somewhat slippery, silent behavior is that my forebears were experienced in “falling through the cracks” when facing the invincible “Big Guys”. Father Harvey had tried to establish a group in my parish which is Westside Manhattan/Lincoln Center territory. He was refused access by a Pastor, a former classmate. Time passed and “possession became 9/10 of the law”. The Courage group has flourished to the present day for 26+ years even through the COVID pandemic, using video conferencing to continue meeting.

Through these years, we have had doctors, even for a while a young resident psychiatrist, teachers, computer experts, former street prostitutes, married men, priests, religious brothers, truck drivers, Protestant clergy, one rabbi (in disguise), show people, lawyers, hairdressers, writers, salesmen… in a word, a general representation of American society as found in New York City.

There have been three conversions to the Catholic Faith for members who were Protestant. All remained stable in the Faith. We have never tried to re-do a person’s orientation but have focused on chastity – even more than on continence. We have presented chastity as an integration, a virtue bringing everything into a single focus.

We have never suggested marriage as a resolution of a person’s problems. We have had one spectacular success in a member marrying a superior woman in the Church with beautiful, happy results. This, however, is highly atypical.

This group is all men. We tried for some months to make the membership “co-ed” but for some reason it never seemed to click. The “brotherhood” dimension however has been outstanding and a potent protection from the loneliness that might otherwise plague them.

There have unhappily been some failures, but very few.

We have followed the 12-step format, with prayer, selected public reading, respectful listening to each, and a tiny meditation input from me. It has been almost a replication of the early Church with groups of Christians praising the Lord, Loving Our Lady and enjoying the inner peace that comes from the Holy Spirit.

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Fr. James B. Lloyd, CSP was born in 1921, and was ordained a priest in 1948. He describes himself as “half Russian-Jew, half Irish, and ALL Catholic!” Father has a doctorate in psychology and was the Director of the graduate division of pastoral counselling at Iona College for 20 years. He has served as a missionary in South Africa, hosted an interview show on WNBC for 15 years (interviewing Mother Teresa, Jackie Gleason, and William Buckley Jr. among many others), and he has been a Chaplain for the Courage apostolate for over 26 years.

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Father Lloyd turns 100 on April 3, 2021, the first Paulist to reach that milestone!
We give heartfelt thanks to God for the enormous gift and blessing that Father is to so many of us.
Your retirement years definitely count, Father Lloyd!

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 Many incidents could illustrate this, but one that stands out very clearly in my memory happened about a year after I became the local chaplain.  The archdiocese invited me to have a display table at the “Parish Life Congress” that happened at the cathedral yearly, to share brochures and talk to people about Courage and EnCourage.  I had been a priest for eleven years by this time, and had been assigned to various parishes and other tasks in the archdiocese, so I knew quite a few people attending.  Some were surprised to see me at the Courage table; many more shared encouraging and supportive words about the apostolate.   This was the first time  Courage had been invited to such an event, so many people stopped to see what it was all about. 

About an hour into the event, I became completely distracted by an anxious feeling in my heart and mind.  It started to dawn on me just how many people I knew, who were seeing me for the first time in this role with Courage.  Questions started flying around in my head: What do they think about this ministry?  What do they think about me for being involved in this ministry?  Are they looking at me differently?  Are they wondering whether I’m experiencing same-sex attractions?  Are they questioning whether I believe what the Church teaches?  Just what is everybody thinking? 

I’m not particularly proud of myself in that moment.  But I will always be grateful for what God did with it.  After letting me worry in this way for what seemed like hours (but was probably only a minute or two), He drew my attention to a truth that changed my whole perspective:  This is what many of the people whom I’m calling you to serve go through every day.  They wonder where they fit, in the Church and in the world.  They worry about what people are thinking about them, whether there is a place for them in their parishes, in their families.  They question whether they can share their experience with loved ones, and how they will be received.  Look out for them, and give them one less reason to worry. 

That day at the display table was a turning point in my life as a priest – not only as a Courage chaplain, but in everything that I do.  In that moment God clarified for me what He wants my spiritual fatherhood to look like.  He wants me to identify and sympathize with the people He entrusts to my care.  He wants me to represent them well, and speak on their behalf when it’s difficult for them to speak for themselves.  He wants me to be willing to lay down my life to protect them from disrespect, criticism, or anything else people throw at them to discourage them from living virtuously.  Most of all, he wants me to love them, and to give them just a small glimpse of what His fatherly love for them is like.  I’m never happier as a priest than when I am striving to live and love in this way. 

It is a great privilege for me to serve and represent the members of Courage and EnCourage, and I know that our local chaplains feel the same.  What really brings me joy is to see how many of our members are responding to the invitation, in ways big and small, to share their personal witness to the transforming power of God’s grace in their lives and in their relationships.  Our dear Father Harvey used to say that “our best ambassadors are our members,” and so I am very happy to launch this new blog, The Upper Room.  Every two weeks, we will share personal testimonies from Courage and EnCourage members and chaplains, asking them to focus on moments in their lives where they encountered God’s love and mercy.  Like the disciples gathered in the Upper Room on the evening of the first Easter Sunday, we’re inviting them to share the story of “what happened on the road, and how He was made known to them …” (Lk 24:35).  

Be sure to check back often and follow us on social media, so that you never miss a new posting here in The Upper Room!   

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